A Message From The Southern California Walk Of Hope Chair

I am proud and honored to serve as the Event Chair for RESOLVE’s inaugural Walk of Hope in Southern California. It is incredible to have this opportunity to raise awareness about the disease of infertility, to support those suffering through it, and to share HOPE with everyone whose life infertility touches. It is my hope that this first annual Walk of Hope will see not only those goals achieved, but will also pave the way for a future in which infertility will no longer be a walk that anyone is forced to face alone.
 
Six years ago, when my husband and I decided to start a family, we never dreamed of the roller coaster of tests and treatments that awaited us. Not knowing where to turn and being too afraid to reach out for support at first, I began blogging in order to cope with our infertility battle. It was through my blog, “Ready to Be a Mom”, that I found RESOLVE and the wealth of support and resources they provide to all of the 7.3 million Americans suffering from this heartbreaking disease. The more I learned and became involved with RESOLVE, the more I realized just how deeply infertility impacts so many families. Each time I share my story, I learn about an aunt, brother, best friend, son or cousin who is enduring the struggle to become a parent. Even if it is not you that suffers from this disease, with 1 in 8 affected, someone you know probably does.
RESOLVE has helped me to uncover my passion to help all of those faced with infertility and to serve as an advocate for this community. I want to be sure that everyone that participates in the 2013 Walk of Hope feels cared for and supported, no matter where they may be in their infertility journey. I want to reach out and provide support to the newly diagnosed, the patients in treatment, the families pursuing adoption, parents who fought to get there, and individuals who resolve their infertility by living child-free. I want every person that faces infertility to know that they don’t have to face it alone.     

On September 29, I will walk alongside men and women from all over LA, San Diego, Orange County and beyond in the Walk of Hope to honor each one of our unique journeys. I will walk for my daughter, who would not be here without the amazing advances in reproductive technologies. I will walk for those who shared their struggles with me and supported me when I shared mine. I will walk for those still suffering in silence. I will walk to raise awareness that infertility is a disease that affects millions of people from all walks of life. So whether to honor your own struggles or to support a loved one, please join me at beautiful Aldrich Park on the University of California campus in Irvine on September 29, 2013 for a beautiful and symbolic one-mile walk to show support, raise awareness and most importantly, to spread hope.       
                                                 
To create your team visit www.resolve.org/socalwalkofhope, select “Start a Team” and following the directions. Then send an invitation to your family and friends so they can walk with you on your journey.

From Passion to Action: Advocacy Day 2013

The California advocates taking on Capitol Hill

The past month has been a non-stop travel fest for me. I drove the California coast, flew from the west coast to the east and back twice, went on a camping adventure and boarded a boat to a nearby island for a day of fun in the sun. Now that I am finally home and catching my breath, I finally digesting the amazing trip that started this crazy month- my trip to Washington DC for RESOLVE's Advocacy Day.

Since I first became aware of RESOLVE, I have heard about what an empowering experience Advocacy Day is and I always knew that one day, I wanted to be a part of it. Talking to the men and women in politics that make things happen, sharing my story, speaking out for the millions of Americans that struggle with infertility, making a difference toward passing legislation that will help so many of those sufferers, how could I not want to be a part of something so meaningful, so cathartic, so powerful? But living on the opposite side of the country, I have also long assumed it would be too overwhelming, time consuming, and expensive to make the trip anytime soon. This past year though, my inner advocate has come out in full force and become a huge part of the outer me. There isn't anyone in my life that doesn't know what an important cause infertility support is to me. I knew that there was no room for excuses or delays. This year was the year. This Advocacy Day was the day. 

And what a day it turned out to be. The rumors were true. Telling my story to the aids and staffers of my Senators and Representatives was cathartic. Walking miles across Capitol Hill to share information about important family building legislation with political offices was invigorating. Connecting with other advocates from across the country and from my own backyard was was inspiring. Everything about my experience was enlightening and empowering. I not only learned a great deal about the political process, I took an active part in it.

Each time I met with a staffer to tell them about The Family Act and The Women Veterans and Other Health Care Improvements Act, I was asked why this was so important to me, why I thought these measures mattered so much, how they would help someone like me, who despite my struggle with infertility has had the good fortune of becoming a parent. After all, an IVF tax credit will come too late to offset the costs of my previous treatments. The truth is, it's not my personal story or struggle that matters, it is giving EVERY aspiring parent the ability to build their family. I am one of the lucky ones. Yes, I spent my daughter's college fund bringing her into the world but I had the option to do that. So many who learn that IVF or adoption are their only family building options, don't have that ability and parenthood shouldn't be a luxury afforded only to those who have the means to finance expensive family building options. 

The struggle with infertility, as many of you know, can be so lonely, so isolating. Finding the community I did online was incredible and such a source of support and comfort for me. But being in a room or crowded DC hallway with hundreds of other women and men who knew what this fight was like, gave me a sense of community deeper than I had ever imagined. After years of chatting with amazing women on Twitter, I was able to give them the real life hugs I had always wished them virtually. I heard, in person, the emotion and rawness of what someone else had gone through to become a parent or how they had come to their decision to live child-free. I could squeeze the hand of those who came to Advocacy Day mid-cycle or in an adoption wait and let them know I was hoping & rooting for them. The power of that in-person contact was unbelievable and amazing and it is something I will always cherish. And there is nothing quite as awesome as enjoying a cocktail and dinner in a private dining room full of a dozen or so women chatting loudly about ovaries, homestudies, and wandy dates without ever having to worry if anyone is confused or uncomfortable- well except maybe the waiter.
 
But just because you could not be there on Advocacy Day, it doesn't mean that you can't still be a part of this community by being a voice for it. Write to your Congressional Leaders and ask them to support these measure that help those in the infertile community. Speak out. Share your story. Support others doing the same. Every little step makes a difference. Remember what you learned from School House Rock? 



Just like Bill's friend says, passing any new legislation requires lots and lots of courage and patience, but we have faced infertility! We have found more patience and courage within ourselves than we ever realized any one person was capable of possessing! If any group can show the fortitude and bravery required for this process, it is us! 

Here is the info you need to know about the legislation we were advocating for on Capitol Hill this May:

The Family Act: This bill makes infertility treatments more affordable to middle class families.

http://www.resolve.org/get-involved/family-act-of-2011.html

The Women Veterans and Other Healthcare Improvement Act: The bill gives access to the needed infertility treatments that wounded veterans need to conceive and start a family.

http://www.resolve.org/get-involved/women-veterans-and-other-health-care-improvements-act.html

Take time to learn more about the legislation and then make your voice heard! Thanks to my own struggle to become a parent, issues related to infertility naturally became a passion for me and thanks to amazing events like Advocacy Day, I am excited to be taking action too.

Meet the Advocacy Day 2013 Advocates!

If you are active in the infertility community, or even if you just dipping your toe in the water or reading blogs to learn more and support  a loved one, there is a good chance you have heard about RESOLVE's Advocacy Day taking place next Wednesday, May 8th, in Washington DC. If you haven't, next week members of the IF community will come together in the nation's capital to meet with their senators and representatives to discuss the issues and legislation important to those struggling with the disease of infertility. We will be there to represent the 7.3 million citizens living with infertility and let our elected officials know that our voices and our concerns are important and should be important to them too. 

I am so thrilled to be attending my first ever Advocacy Day this year to support those impacted by infertility. Support has meant absolutely everything to me in my journey to parenthood and I would not be in this position if not for the constant support of so many amazing women that I have met over the years through twitter and my blog. To say that I am excited about standing beside these inspiring ladies next week as we venture to Capitol Hill is an understatement. It is important to know that every successful cause, every movement is the result of ordinary people standing up and making their voices heard. So I am very excited about the blog hop Casey at Chances Our put together in order to get to know some of the advocates attending Advocacy Day. We are real people affected by infertility. Some of us have resolved our infertility, some have not. We are not politicians or lobbyists. We are average Americans from all walks of life and all corners of the country. We even have an incredibly supportive and caring Canadian standing beside us and contributing what I am sure will be fantastic professional photos of this momentous day. (Kelley- you rock!)

So please take a moment to learn more about Advocacy Day by visiting RESOLVE. Read my Q&A to learn more about me and why I am attending. Then stop by the blogs of some of the other amazing women attending to read about their hopes for Advocacy Day. If you can't be there with us, know that you are there in spirit and there are still ways you can show your support! Lend RESOLVE your Facebook or Twitter status on May 8th. Log into Thunderclap and help us reach thousands of people with 1 message about infertility awareness.

1. Where are you in your infertility journey right now? In one sentence!
After 3 years of trying to conceive with infertility, countless timed cycles, 3 rounds of clomid, one IVF, a miscarriage and a FET, I am the incredibly grateful mother of an amazing two-year old girl.

2. What inspired you to go to RESOLVE Advocacy Day 2013?
Since becoming involved with the infertility community, I have grown more and more passionate about advocating for all those facing this terrible struggle and finally decided this was the year I would push through the obstacles and make it a priority to talk to Congress about the issues that mean so much to me. Twitter slumber party 2013 makes it that much sweeter!

3. What do you want Congress to understand about infertility?
I want Congress to know that infertility affects men and women from every corner of this country. It impacts not only the one in eight who suffer directly but it has a ripple effect and touches the lives of millions of Americans, regardless of political party, race, class, or gender. It is a disease worthy of our care and attention. 

4. What are you most looking forward to about Advocacy Day?
I am excited to meet with my Representative, Loretta Sanchez, who co-sponsored the Family Act in 2011 to thank her for her support and ask that she support the bill again. I am also beyond thrilled to spend time with some of the most amazing women and advocates I have ever had to honor to know and finally meet many of them in person for the first time! 

5. What is one thing other advocates will be surprised to learn about you when they meet you?
This is the tough one...Um? I talk A LOT and  can get very passionate when I do. I also have chronic foot in the mouth disorder so I ask your forgiveness in advance if I say something that comes out all wrong or makes zero sense. 

Meet some of the other advocates who are going and show your support!

Fran Meadows

Jen Rutner

Miss Ohkay

Whitney Anderson

Lauren

Casey

Carrie

Katie

Kelley

Speaking Out at Fertility Planit 2013

Excited to watch Mommy live at the Fertility Planit Show

This past weekend, I had the honor and pleasure of moderating a panel for the first ever Fertility Planit show in LA. It was a weekend long event and featured discussions by experts on a variety of topics effecting the infertility community such as building an adoptive family, financial planning for ART/adoption, male infertility, egg freezing and storage and letting go of having genetic offspring. I was thrilled to moderate and lead the session titled "The Beginners Guide to Infertility: What to Do When You Want to Get Pregnant But Can't". 

Our panel featured two leading REs and a natural healer/acupuncturist answering questions about what to expect when seeking tests and treatments for fertility. Many of our audience members had never met with an RE so I was very excited to give them the opportunity to have their questions answered and basic concerns addressed before they ever had to step foot into a doctor's office. I remember very clearly how daunting those first visits to my doctor were, not yet having the confidence or understanding of fertility to be able to best advocate for myself. It felt very rewarding to know I was part of an event that was empowering others to take those first steps toward parenthood armed with information and support. It was also very empowering for me to be able to take my own journey with infertility and apply it to an event like this, asking questions, sharing experiences and connecting with others.

In addition to my own panel, I attended sessions on adoption and learned a lot about the process and realities of private, domestic open adoptions as well as sessions on natural medicine and optimizing fertility. I also spent a great deal of time wandering the exhibit hall and meeting the REs, donor agencies, and support agencies that were on hand to share their information with attendees. I even had the opportunity to give feedback to all of the companies that created and delivered my medications for IVF and FET. It felt really good to tell the producer of my estrogen supplement what my experience was with their drug and request that they begin including certain written information on side effects with their medication. I most enjoyed spending time at the RESOLVE booth though, where I had the opportunity to discuss a lot of exciting events and volunteer opportunities coming up later this year. I also got to see my name and face in print when I picked up a copy of the Winter edition of their newsletter where a piece I wrote is featured. (If you would like information on receiving the Resolve newsletter, please click here).

I am so glad I was a part of this event. It was incredible to be participate in a conference dedicated to all things fertility. Much like the RESOLVE Night of Hope in October, it was refreshing to be surrounded by people that were as passionate about the issues surrounding infertility as I am. I was surprised by the number of people that stopped in the hall to tell me a little about their journey and thanked me for sharing mine. I have been blogging for 3 years now but I am still always amazed by the impact my words can have on others. Speaking to some of them refreshed my energy for blogging and I have a few new topics I will be blogging about in the near future. But even more than the charge I got for blogging, the event gave me an even charge to renew my involvement as an infertility advocate. Speaking onstage about infertility, asking the experts questions and being in the presence of so many other advocates and professionals really confirmed for me how much I love this work and want to continue to get involved.

I have some ideas on things I would like present at next year's show but whether these ideas come to fruition or not, I hope to be involved again in whatever way I can. In the meantime, I will be pursuing any opportunity I get to volunteer, speak out and learn more about infertility so that I can best serve this community.


If you're interested in watching my panel or any of the other sessions that were held this weekend, you can watch the videos by clicking here or by visiting http://fertilityplanitshow.com/videos/. My session can be found here.

The Infertility Oscars

This past Tuesday, October 2 was The Resolve Night of Hope in NYC, or as they have been affectionately referred to by some, The Infertility Oscars. After all, The Night of Hope truly is the infertility community's red carpet night. Doctors, advocates, bloggers, drug companies, journalists and therapists all working within and somehow touched by infertility, come together to share hope and honor those who have been making a difference in the community. I was honored enough to be among them and receive the Hope Award for Best Blog. 

Not long after Resolve emailed me to inform me that I had won, I realized I would need to give some sort of acceptance speech. I was equally thrilled and terrified. I don't talk about this much here, but long before infertility became my focus in life, I was a die-hard theater student. I spent all of my childhood, teens and at least half of my college years either in an acting class or onstage in some way. I, like most aspiring actors, have often practiced my academy award thank yous in the mirror. However, having long ago moved on to other passions, I have never thought I would actually be on a brightly lit stage in a pretty dress, thanking my husband for his support in helping me achieve this honor. But now thanks to this blog and the incredible love and support of the infertility community, there I was trying to write my heartfelt and grateful remarks without going over the time limit that would get me cut off by the "wrap it up" music. 

I had drafts of what I would say in my head for weeks. I'd think of a meaningful sentiment randomly throughout the day and make mental notes to include it. Finally the night of the event, I sat in the cab with Chad, furiously re-reading and revising my handwritten remarks. I had covered everything I wanted to say and timed myself enough to know it would stay under the minute and a half I was allotted. The only problem was I couldn't get through my rehearsals without crying. I just meant every word so deeply there was no way I could stop myself from getting choked up. I know it would have been ok to cry but I didn't want it to make me lose myself and prevent me from saying what I needed to say. 

In the end though, it didn't matter. I cried that night many times, but not during my speech. I cried during cocktails while Chad and I were speaking with Jennifer Ludden, NPR Correspondent and Marisa Peñaloza, NPR Producer about the powerful effects of positive journalism covering infertility. I cried during the awards watching the Pampers "Every Little Miracle" ad. (Click and keep a dry eye, I dare you) I cried during dessert speaking with fertility clinic nurses and hearing just how deeply they cared about the work they do and their patients. I teared up during speeches, hugs and in the middle of conversations. It was amazing to be in a room full of people that were simultaneously so professional yet so equally emotional and passionate. I remember so many incredible discussions and heartfelt moments from the night, but I don't have a clue what happened during my speech. 

I walked onstage, thanked my presenter, turned to face the audience, spoke the first 3 words I had written down and completely lost my place. So I just went with it. I said what was in my heart. Since I actually had written my remarks out and practiced them, I felt like I had managed to cover just about everything I wanted to say but in not quite the way I meant to say it. After I walked offstage, I was buzzing with excitement and a bit of confusion. How did that go? What the heck did I say up there, exactly? Did I make a fool of myself? I wasn't entirely sure.

After some reassurance from Chad and fellow bloggers Jen (http://thisismorepersonal.tumblr.com/) and Jay (http://the2weekwait.blogspot.com/) that I hadn't mucked the whole thing up, I breathed a sigh of relief and enjoyed the rest of what was a beautiful and incredibly inspiring night. I thought about typing up the speech I had written for you here, but since Chad was wonderful enough to capture it on video, I would rather share with you the speech I gave. 

I again, can't thank this community enough for all it has have given me. And although very few of my friends or family have ever seen my blog, I am incredibly grateful to each and every one of them for the incredible love and support they have shown me and Chad as they have learned about our struggle. I am a lucky girl. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 

Honoring Hope

The big event is nearly here. In less than 48 hours I will have the privilege of honoring some amazing people for their compassion and advocacy. The RESOLVE Night of Hope is the day after tomorrow and I am so excited to be a part of it. Just being in the same room with so many of the people putting their hearts and souls into making a difference in the lives of those affected by infertility is an honor in itself but to be included among them as an honoree simply blows my mind. The other award recipients are truly incredible and I'm so humbled by their contributions to the infertility community. 

I remember sobbing last year, along with many of my fellow bloggy and Twitter pals, every time I saw he every little miracle commercial for Pampers. They showcased all of the ways families are made, including IVF, adoption and surrogacy without belittling or "othering" those parents. Being pregnant with my own IVF miracle at the time, I was moved each and every time I saw it and so grateful to have my experience included for once. For that ad, Pampers will be receiving the Hope Award for Achievement and I feel it couldn't be more well-deserved.

The other award recipients are even more inspiring. NPR is also being honored with the Hope Award for Achievement for a series of infertility related stories they've run over the past three years. These stories have done so much to really educate people on the issues and experiences of those dealing with infertility which is truly one of the most important components of advocacy. Lindsay Nohr Beck will be awarded the Barbara Eck Founders Award for her work with LIVESTRONG as their Cancer & Fertility Advisor. Kelly Damron is being honored with Hope Award for Service for her tireless and crucial work with her local Arizona area Resolve chapter. Eli Reshef, MD is being honored for his advocacy in he area of women's health and his involvement in defeating personhood amendments in his state. Atlee Breland, who founded "Parents Against Personhood", is receiving the Advocacy Award for her role in protecting the rights of people with infertility. And of course Redbook is receiving a very deserving honor for their "Truth About Trying" campaign which is spreading, not only knowledge about the realities of infertility, but also the message that there is no shame in having a hard time trying to become a parent. 

I am so in awe in each of these incredible award winners and the amazing ways they have advocated for women and men facing infertility. I still cannot believe that my quiet little blog is being lauded along with these incredible advocates. I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about speaking onstage and I feel a little bit unworthy of such an incredible honor in comparison to the many blogs and advocates that have made a difference in my life. I just hope I don't trip on my way up or ramble when I'm speaking. And even more than that I hope I can continue to blog about topics that matter to this community and to be an advocate worthy of such a wonderful honor. 



The RESOLVE Night of Hope is Tuesday, October 2 at 7pm. You can follow along with what is happening at the gala by following #2012nightofhope on Twitter. You can also learn more about the award recipients and other event info by clicking here. 

It's a Major Award!

I still can't believe it. I am just so blown away and overjoyed and excited! This is huge! My blog post for this year's National Infertility Awareness Week ( you can find it here) has been awarded RESOLVE's Hope Award for Best Blog! I WON A MAJOR AWARD! A national award from the most important infertility organization in the country. I still haven't recovered from the shock that out of nearly 300 posts this year, mine was nominated as one of five finalists. I read each of the other nominated blog posts and found such incredible women with amazing writing in each. Being included in that group of women in itself just blows me away, but to actually be voted by all of you as the award winner, I'm honored! I'm thrilled! I'm so incredibly grateful!

A little over two years ago I began blogging as an outlet to talk about what I was going through in my quest to be a mom. I had only just begun that journey then. I hadn't been fully diagnosed or begun any sort of treatment. No one in my real life knew what I was going through. It felt too scary, too personal to share. Through this blog I sorted out my feelings as I went through IVF, miscarriage, FET and pregnancy. I have delved into the hopes as well as the anxieties and fears of each of these experiences in a way that I couldn't in "real life". I have also been incredibly fortunate to receive an overwhelming amount of love and support from a community of strong women and men facing struggles similar to my own. And from that support and the self-reflection gained by sharing my experiences, I gained strength- Strength to face each new step of the journey, no matter how frightening or overwhelming. Strength to finally "come out" with my infertility and my loss to anyone and everyone that I know. Strength to speak up and advocate for others in the ALI community, to stand by them and hold their hands as they have done for me.

Becoming a parent shifted my role in this community considerably but I have still always felt that I am very much a part of it, that I still have a voice here, a perspective worthy of contribution. I still care deeply about those still in the trenches and try to do my best to support them through their cycles, losses, adoptions, child-free decisions and everything in between. I have also developed a passion for spreading awareness and an understanding of infertility and involuntary childlessness to those outside our of community and it is with these goals as well as my ongoing need to work through my own emotions on parenting after infertility that I continue to consider myself an infertility blogger. I am so grateful to still be a voice in this community and although many of my parenting posts go unread by those who need that distance, I know that it doesn't change that we are still there for each other, still members of this same undesirable club.

I have never been a superstar blogger. I have a pretty basic (read:boring) design, I can barely keep up with a few posts a month, I only have a handful of regular readers and even fewer comments each time I post. I have always done my best to be honest and thoughtful every time I write, but ultimately I think my blog is a pretty quiet, humble corner of the internet and that's fine by me. Which is why I am still so incredibly blown away and humbled to be awarded with RESOLVE's Hope Award for Best Blog. I just can't thank those of you who voted for me enough. It is truly an honor to be a part of the collective voice of this community. But I am not the only award winner for this years Night of Hope. Please take the time to visit RESOLVE and learn about the other amazing advocates, volunteers and organizations making a difference in the lives of those with infertility by going here:  

http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=NOH_winners

This blog has given me so much. I always knew it would be an outlet for my emotions, but I never dreamed it would also be a catalyst for so much growth and strength. Thank you so much for every bit of support you all have given me. This award is incredible, I am beyond at excited to receive such a major award, but knowing I have so much love out there from all of you means even more.

The Language of Infertility

I have been thinking a lot recently about how amazingly fortunate I am to be a mother. I often think about what I went through to get here and so many other hopeful women and men facing their own struggles with being involuntarily childless. I hate that any of us have to live that term but I love how accurately it represents what the experience is truly like and I am so grateful to the sociologists I referenced in my literary review for coining it. Language is a crucial part of any cause and using the right language can make a world of difference in reaching those in need and enacting change. With that said, I truly think the term "involuntarily childlessness" is an important and deeply relevant term that needs to be used more within our community. 

Yes, infertility is still a very important and powerful term. It gives us a medical diagnoses, a definable issue to understand to dissect and try to cope with. But for me and I think for so many others who struggle with "infertility", the term itself leaves us feeling incomplete. It doesn't quite encompass what our struggle is really about. It is the word that isn't quite the word you were looking for, but settle on when the right one never makes it off the tip of your tongue. It's good but not good enough. It acknowledges that those of us unable to easily have children are facing something real and big and difficult but it leaves so much more out. It isolates those of us that can conceive but suffer from tragic losses. It discounts entire groups of women and men who find themselves ready, willing and wanting children but not in a socially acceptable position to have them and therefore afraid to or unable to actually try. It fails to include those feeling a new surge of pain at a disrupted adoption, a failed cycle, a canceled donor or a lost pregnancy. It leaves out the millions of people struggling month after month who have yet to pay a visit to a doctor and receive an official infertility diagnoses. Most importantly, it fails to adequately name what matters most to those who are facing it. Specifically, people with infertility, often don't care about being infertile as much as they care about not having children despite wanting them more than anything. Infertile is second to being involuntarily childless.

At least, that's how it was for me. When I did the research for my paper and found that term, it really spoke to me because that is how I identified myself over just about everything else. I have an official diagnoses. I know exactly why I can't get pregnant on my own. I am medically infertile and it definitely matters to me. I have gone through my fair share of feeling betrayed by my body, being angry at myself, feeling like less of a woman, less of person for being unable to conceive. But conception was always the smallest aspects of the mountain of emotions I felt when struggling with infertility. What mattered to me more was that I wanted to be a mom. I wanted a child to care for, to raise, to clean up after, to spit up in my hair, to kiss, to set curfews for, to cuddle, to love. What broke my heart on every holiday, every weekend outing, every quiet morning wasn't a medical term but the deep feeling of sadness at wanting more than anything a child with whom to celebrate and experience all the wonderful and all of the every day joys of life, but having empty arms anyway.

I know there are so many women and men out there who have felt that pain who might not consider themselves "infertile". Who don't know about RESOLVE, don't attend support groups or seek medical care. Maybe they just aren't there yet or don't want to face something so daunting or scary. I will never forget opening up to a friend about how emotional and difficult it was trying to conceive and how broken-hearted I was about being infertile. At the time I hadn't been officially diagnosed or started treatment yet. Because of this, she tried to comfort me that I wasn't really infertile. I didn't have to do anything crazy like IVF (gasp!). But despite my lack of diagnoses, I still clung to the term because I knew what I was going through was more than just "TTC". I had been on that road for far too long and been through far too much pain. I was involuntarily childless. I wonder if we integrated that term into the discussion on infertility and loss more often if we might be able to reach more people in need of support. I also wonder if we might be able to better reach those who have never had to experience a life of involuntary childlessness and allow them to more easily empathize and understand our experiences. Yes, some infertile people adopt, some have babies through ART and some never have children but what we all have in common is that none of us chose to be faced with those decisions. We all grow up presumptively believing that one day, when we are ready, we will be able to be parents. It's just a given. But for 1 in 6 of us having children doesn't turn out to be something automatic and instantaneous and I think this term helps convey that. 

Of course, I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The term "infertility" is still very real and very needed. Just as infertility does not encompass the entire experience, neither does the term involuntary childless. Secondary infertility is very real, very prevalent and very important. I in no way wish to discount the very emotional struggle of parents facing difficulty conceiving for the 2nd, 3rd or even 4th time. Infertility still matters. I am still faced with it nearly every day and will be swimming in it again when I go back for another FET to hopefully have a second child one day.  While I still am and always be infertile, I am enormously blessed to no longer be involuntarily childless. These two terms, while incredibly similar aren't exactly the same and I pledge to do my part to acknowledge and provide support and advocacy for both experiences.