Monday, April 12, 2010

This Can't Be Happening

Today was our ultrasound and I wish I had good news but unfortunately I don't. I have what looks like either 2 gestational sacs or one "U shaped" sac but everything appears empty. I am just a couple of days past 6 weeks so by this point we should have seen something, at least a yolk sac and fetal pole, but the RE looked from every angle and couldn't find anything. He said there is a 5% chance that implantation occurred late and ordered another beta. If by some small chance it is still rising we will do another ultrasound Friday but otherwise I will stop taking meds and start the process of preparing for a FET (frozen embryo transfer)

I feel so numb right now. It just isn't fair. After 3 years we finally had our wishes come true only to have it all taken away. The awful thing is that as sad as I am right now, I am not terribly surprised. I am just so used to the pain at this point, I really couldn't fully believe something good was actually happening.

Yes, there is a tiny bit of hope and that is probably the real reason I am not falling apart yet. I will find out my beta results this afternoon and then we will know more. I admit I still have a ray of of hope that the numbers will come back nice and high but I know the chances are slim. Thank you so much to everyone that has already sent love, hugs and prayers my way. It really does mean a lot to me to know that I have people out there that care. I will post an update once I get the call.

17 comments:

Ashley said...

Holly, I am so so sorry. :( I really have no words to say, and I wish I did. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I'm still hoping for a little miracle for you and your hubby!

Amaprincess said...

My heart has shattered into a thousand pieces when you sent me the news. I cried Holly...I know I cry over everything...but I cried because you don't deserve this. You don't deserve for it to have taken three years to get what you so desperately wanted and then to have it taken away. God has got to give somewhere. I prayed harder than I ever prayed before that your numbers come back high. I'm here if you need to talk (although I can't promise I won't burst out into tears if you do). Here's my virtual hug for you...hoping one day soon its a real one! Love you girlie!xoxoxoxoxox

Megan said...

Holly, I'm so so so so sorry... I can't imagine what you're going through... this all sounds just too painful... and you don't deserve it. You're going to make a fantastic mother and I can't believe someone like you would have to suffer so much before becoming one... it's so unfair. *BIG HUG* We're all here for you if you need us.

Lisa said...

Holly, I'm not sure i've ever commented on your blog but just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you. i'm sorry this is happening... i'm really hoping for a big beta number this afternoon... hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

Holly, You're in my prayers. I hope there's good news for you very soon.

Katie said...

Holly, I am just sick to my stomach right now reading this and hearing your news on Twitter earlier today. You don't deserve this news. Not one bit. Please know that I am thinking of you and I hope that your beta comes back filled with hope. (((hugs)))

Jen @ After The Alter said...

OH my goodness Holly I am so so sorry to hear this! Please try to keep up hope. I know the limbo part is the worst part...I really hope you come back with some good news this afternoon! You are certainly in my prayers!

Ally said...

Sweetie I am so sorry. I know this feeling all too well.

Please don't give up hope - one day we'll all get our turns. I know this is true!

*hugs*

Holly said...

Nothing is impossible...nothing! I will continue to be hopeful. LOVE YOU

Gia said...

Holly, I am so sorry. How simply heartbreaking. I am praying for you and your husband.

Gucci Mama said...

I'm so sorry to hear this sad news! You're in my thoughts. I hope your dreams come true soon! ;)

Auntie Sissy said...

This is the worst type of news...the unsure kind. Sometimes we just want to KNOW what is going to happen. Infertility is cruel because it is a giant waiting game, and even being patient doesn't always pay off. However, I am praying that perhaps implantation was just a little late, and you see your little peanut soon. Thinking of you.

Sarah

The Millers said...

Becoming numb to this dissapointment is the worst. It is like all hope is just gone. Please do not give up today or even the future. I have seen SO many women that feel it will NEVER happen. In one way or another all of those women are now mothers.
I know it does not take the pain way, but it does ensure me that there is light at the end of the tunnel some day.

I am continuing to pray for you.

Jill said...

I'm so sorry things aren't going as well as you'd like. I hope no matter the results of your beta that you can find peace.

rebecca said...

I'm so sorry Holly, praying for strength for you right now. Please keep us updated, you're in my thoughts & prayers.
I had nominated you for a blog award on my blog...I know it's not great timing, but I still wanted you to know how much your loved & supported.

Miracle in the Making said...

No Holly! Oh sweetie, I'm holding on to hope for you! Praying hard!

Adge said...

i am so sorry.