If you read part one of our initial consultation with the RE you know that we did a lot during one appointment but needed to have a part 2 the following business day to review the films from my hsg and get a more accurate idea of the situation and come up with a more complete plan of action. (You can get caught up on part one here)
So yesterday morning Chad and I went to meet Dr.Jedi (my new name for Dr Lee- seriously the force is strong with this one) bright and early, giant envelope of films in hand. He wasted no time in reviewing them and brought us into the next room so that we could see them with him as he explained them. It turns out that both of my tubes actually do have some spillage, but it also turns out that the right and previously believed to be "good" tube I had been counting on isn't in the "good" condition we were hoping for. It works, but not very well. Not well at all really. Honestly, it more has the potential to maybe work than it actually works, and that potential is very low.
After reviewing the films with Dr. Jedi we discussed the status. He told us what has to be one of the hardest things I have heard in my entire life. Our odds of ever having a baby on our own are about 1 in 200. That's less than 1%. Our dreams of bringing our child into this world using only what nature provided us are most likely never going to happen. I was devastated to say the least. We had so much hope during part 1 of our appointment but infertility has definitely struck back and is trying to use the dark side of the force, as in my dysfunctional fallopian tubes, against our chances of becoming parents.
So what does this mean? What is the next step for us in our quest to have a baby? We discussed different scenarios and options with Dr. Jedi and he continued to live up to his initial good impression by being very clear, honest and taking lots of time to answer all of our questions, even talking to me for half an hour on the phone later when I realized I had more that I wanted to talk to him about. And after much discussion, we have made a decision about what to do next and have already started step one of the new plan.
And just what is step one you ask? Drum roll please....I'm on the pill. Those of you that are well versed in infertility and it's treatments know exactly what this means. For those that aren't in the know, I can assure you this does not mean we are giving up, just the opposite. We are advancing directly to the highest tech method of getting pregnant there is: In-Vitro Fertilization aka IVF.
We are not passing "GO", we are definitely NOT collecting $200- (more like paying 65 times that, yes I said 65 times more than $200!)- we are going straight from level 2 of fertility treatments to the the granddaddy of them all, the highest level and last stop. It is a huge step and a lot went into this decision. I am full of emotions and fears and hopes and questions and all of it changes from second to second. The problem with me is that when I am faced a huge life-changing event I can't deal with the emotions of it right away. I go numb and switch into action, aka survival mode. I grieve later. It's ironic because I am such an emotional person and wear my heart on my sleeve in nearly every aspect of my life, but when it's life changing I just can't do it. I am aware of this though and I know I need to tap into these inner emotions and grieve the losses I am facing. I have a lot to say about everything I am feeling and that will come soon in another blog post. (I have to complete the trilogy don't I?)
Although I am very heartbroken in many ways that this is what we are faced with I am also hopeful that it is right decision and we are that much closer to realizing our dreams of creating a family.