Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Letting Go Of Living It Up
My transfer is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 11:45am and I couldn't be more excited, or nervous for that matter. I am also still very in awe that this whole process is actually happening and feeling a lot like Alice down the rabbit hole. It is all still so very surreal.
After this procedure I will have an embryo(s) made up of me and Chad inside my body. (we still don't know if we are transferring one or two). Those embryos are alive and growing in the lab and in less than 24 hours at least one of them will be in my womb. Wow! there's a word I haven't used much since being diagnosed infertile, uterus sure but never womb. It feels kinda nice, sort of corny but also more homey than the medical sounding uterus. I mean is that what I will say to my kids? "You grew in mommy's uterus"? Actually I'd probably feel weird saying "womb" too. I will most likely go with the standard "tummy". Whoa, where did this sidetracked rant come from? Sorry about that. Nerves.
Anyway, once my little embie(s) is transferred, I will be operating under the mantra of PUPO, Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. So, since tomorrow I WILL be pregnant, I have been running through the list of pregnancy no-no's and doing as many of them as I can. For the past week or so I have been having wine with dinner, enjoying sushi lunches, going out for a beer on the weekends, eating deli meat sandwiches, sipping fully-caffeinated lattes, taking the hottest showers imaginable and indulging in any of life's other pleasure that should not be had while growing a person. I got my hair cut and most importantly colored (thanks to the wonderful Bonnie and Amy). I went to Disneyland and rode every single ride in the joint, especially the coasters and thrill rides that are not recommended for expectant mothers or people with heart conditions. I have actually wondered if riding space mountain twice played a part in moving my left ovary to where I needed it to be (you can catch up on that story here) Tonight, we are having the good kind of sushi one more time, with wine of course, and then a latte in the morning before the transfer.
Not only has it been fun to live up my last few pre-pregnancy days, it has really helped keep my spirits high while enduring the daily injections and constant bloating. And I truly feel that, while I love sushi and wine, I will love being pregnant even more and I am ready to give these things up until next year. I just can't believe tomorrow is the transfer! No green beer or Guinness for me on St. Patrick's Day, but hopefully the luck of the Irish will be with me and my little embie(s). And the following day is our 3 year wedding anniversary. I can't think of a better anniversary gift than this.
Of course, I am also trying to brace myself for the anxiety of the wait until my beta test to determine if I truly am pregnant, and for the possibility that the test will come back negative, but mostly I am trying to think positive and believe that this really will be the last time I do this stuff for a long time. And now that it is all out of my system, I am just so ready to focus on relaxing and being ready to accept and nurture new life.
Wish Me Luck!