Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Frankie says "Relax"

They say when something is keeping you up at night, making you cranky, and generally NEVER off your mind that the best way to improve the situation is to "relax". And these same mysterious "they" say that journaling or blogging is an ideal way to get things off your chest and therefore relax. Kind of like personal therapy with a pen, or in this case a laptop.

So here I am writing my 1st ever blog, derived from what feels like my millionth handwritten (unfinished) journal in order to cope with the stress of infertility and trying to conceive. I have great friends and family, and of course a wonderful husband to talk to, but I still think about this stuff way more than any of these people probably want to hear about. So I have decided to share all of my happy, sad, ridiculous, disgusting, funny and hopeful thoughts on my journey to motherhood with the blogosphere instead.

Here is a quick rundown of my journey so far:
  • December 6, 1982: born to the most wonderful mother in the world
  • August 1999: wrote paper on what I will be doing in 10 years- motherhood was #1
  • January 13, 2003: started dating my future husband, Chad
  • March 18, 2007: married him
  • April 2007: stopped "preventing".
  • July 2007: 1st preconception Dr visit.
  • March 2008: shifted from "not preventing" to "trying".
  • January 2009: 1st "WTF IS WRONG?!?" appt. Told I'm still young, just start charting.
  • January 2009: kept first chart of basal body temperatures.
  • March 2009: found out we were moving to California from Florida. Whole world is flipped upside down. Stopped charting.
  • April 2009: made the move.
  • May 2009: found previously mentioned paper at mom's house. Almost 10 years later and not a mom as predicted. Started to doubt my talents as a fortune teller.
  • July 22, 2009: started seriously charting again.
  • August 9, 2009: got my 1st positive OPK. Did a happy dance and thought for sure the problem had just been timing and we would get pregnant very soon.
  • September 23, 2009: found a new Dr in Cali- officially told we are dealing w/ infertility and given a huge packet of tests to complete.
  • October 2009: completed tons of bloodwork, ultrasounds, a semen analysis for the hubby and a very painful HSG for me.
  • October 7, 2009: informed I had "no spillage" in my left tube-it's completely blocked. All other tests came back "normal".
  • October 27, 2009: started 50mg of Clomid to increase ovarian function & odds of ovulating on my "good" side.
  • November 28, 2009: started 2nd round of Clomid
  • December 28, 2009: started 3rd round of Clomid
Which brings me to now and back to the whole point of this. I'm supposed to "relax". Whoever decided this was sage advice is in serious need of a good thrashing by the way. I started this journey pretty relaxed but nearly three years later I feel that furiously fighting for what I want is completely reasonable. Whether I ever actually relax again or not, I will be a mom, I'm ready!


Jen @ After The Alter said...

Congrats on starting your blog! I find it truly theraputic! I love getting my thoughts and feelings down and out there. I hope it does the same for you!

Krissi said...

Welcome to the blogosphere! I wish I had started a blog when I was going through infertility...but now that I'm on the other side after living and surviving through it, I decided to start one to help others. Stop by when you get a chance and good luck! May 2010 be your year!

Kartini said...

Came across your blog when searching TTC online and saw that you had twitr! :) Added you.

Both you and I are of the same age and this month marks our 13th cycle ttc and i'm feeling a bit in the dumps because it feels like it's nv gonna happen.

Everyone around me tells me "you're still young." Feels like smacking their heads when they are the ones who got pregnant 2-3 months into ttc. Grr.

Glad to know there are other women too. It seems like i'm the only one among my friends who can't seem to conceive. Pfft.

Mrs Fad

Tiffany said...

Welcome to the blog world! I, just like you, found it hard to turn off the dialogue in my head and decided to blog about my journey. I wish you all the luck in the world! If you'd like to follow me:

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog.
I also took Clomid Oct,Nov,Dec. 2009
I've heard women sometimes get pregnant after ending there final round,lets hope for the best!
Good luck