Frankie says "Relax"

They say when something is keeping you up at night, making you cranky, and generally NEVER off your mind that the best way to improve the situation is to "relax". And these same mysterious "they" say that journaling or blogging is an ideal way to get things off your chest and therefore relax. Kind of like personal therapy with a pen, or in this case a laptop.

So here I am writing my 1st ever blog, derived from what feels like my millionth handwritten (unfinished) journal in order to cope with the stress of infertility and trying to conceive. I have great friends and family, and of course a wonderful husband to talk to, but I still think about this stuff way more than any of these people probably want to hear about. So I have decided to share all of my happy, sad, ridiculous, disgusting, funny and hopeful thoughts on my journey to motherhood with the blogosphere instead.

Here is a quick rundown of my journey so far:

• December 6, 1982: born to the most wonderful mother in the world
  
• August 1999: wrote paper on what I will be doing in 10 years- motherhood was #1
  
• January 13, 2003: started dating my future husband, Chad
• March 18, 2007: married him
  
• April 2007: stopped "preventing".
  
• July 2007: 1st preconception Dr visit.
  
• March 2008: shifted from "not preventing" to "trying".
  
• January 2009: 1st "WTF IS WRONG?!?" appt. Told I'm still young, just start charting.
• January 2009: kept first chart of basal body temperatures.
  
• March 2009: found out we were moving to California from Florida. Whole world is flipped upside down. Stopped charting.
• April 2009: made the move.
• May 2009: found previously mentioned paper at mom's house. Almost 10 years later and not a mom as predicted. Started to doubt my talents as a fortune teller.
  
• July 22, 2009: started seriously charting again.
  
• August 9, 2009: got my 1st positive OPK. Did a happy dance and thought for sure the problem had just been timing and we would get pregnant very soon.
• September 23, 2009: found a new Dr in Cali- officially told we are dealing w/ infertility and given a huge packet of tests to complete.
• October 2009: completed tons of bloodwork, ultrasounds, a semen analysis for the hubby and a very painful HSG for me.
  
• October 7, 2009: informed I had "no spillage" in my left tube-it's completely blocked. All other tests came back "normal".
  
• October 27, 2009: started 50mg of Clomid to increase ovarian function & odds of ovulating on my "good" side.
• November 28, 2009: started 2nd round of Clomid
• December 28, 2009: started 3rd round of Clomid

Which brings me to now and back to the whole point of this. I'm supposed to "relax". Whoever decided this was sage advice is in serious need of a good thrashing by the way. I started this journey pretty relaxed but nearly three years later I feel that furiously fighting for what I want is completely reasonable. Whether I ever actually relax again or not, I will be a mom, I'm ready!