I want to thank everyone again for the kind and supportive comments I received on my "Pregnancy Guilt" post. It was important for me to get my feelings out and get much needed feedback on whether we were doing the right thing as far as our neighbors are concerned. After getting my thoughts out and hearing your reactions, Chad and I decided we would definitely make an attempt to get together with them and we would share our story at that time.
Just days after that blog post, we ran into them again unexpectedly in the neighborhood and the four of us wound up chatting on the sidewalk for nearly an hour. We learned a lot more about them and their precious daughter in that time and we were able to share more about ourselves as well. D (husband) and J (wife) told us that they had been TTC for almost 3 years and were about to begin testing when J discovered she was pregnant. Her pregnancy was mostly normal and healthy until after an ultrasound in her 3rd trimester they learned that their daughter had a 95% chance of being born with down syndrome and a congenital heart defect. J said she was initially in denial. She had no risk factors, she was young (26 during this pregnancy), she couldn't believe it. But when their angel was born the diagnoses was confirmed.
J and D spent lots of time, money and energy getting their daughter the medical care she needed. She had surgeries on her heart in attempts to save her life but during one of her operations her little body let go. Her parents though, did nothing but smile at the memory of their sweet baby girl as they told us of her short life. She was so sweet they said, smiling often and rarely fussy and her 6 months with them was a blessing.
Of course, Chad and I were fighting back tears as they told us all of this and then we lost that fight a bit when J went on to tell us that after they lost their daughter in February, she became pregnant and miscarried in May, one month after my own miscarriage. Which I shared with her and although I know my loss is different from hers, an understanding of that pain passed between the four of us. And I worked up the courage to tell them about our IVF and FET and current pregnancy. They were very congratulatory and understood both our hope and our fears after suffering a loss. It was an incredible conversation and we really enjoyed talking to them. As we parted ways we all agreed to spend time together again soon and the next day we exchanged phone numbers and email addresses by leaving them on each other's cars.
This past Friday, Chad was very excited about our potential new friends and invited them over for a drink. They happily agreed and we wound up sitting in our living room talking and laughing for over 3 hours. It was great and so easy. Conversation just flowed easily back and forth between light, getting to know you topics and more serious stuff. We talked about our jobs, school, families, relationships, mutual interests and of course our desires to be parents.
All night I kept thinking about what great new friends we were making and how much I hoped for good things for them. Then J announced she had taken an HPT that very morning and gotten a BFP. She is pregnant again! She told us we were the first and only people they had told because after the m/c she dreads another and wants to wait at least a month before telling family. She just needed to tell SOMEONE and since we are expecting again after m/c and understand the hopes and fears that come with that, she felt comfortable for us to be those someones. Right now, I am very optimistic and cautiously excited for them. I am still so honored that they shared their news with us, and of course I am hoping with all of my heart that this pregnancy brings them the child that they so deserve.
I am also hoping that this friendship can continue to grow. I am so glad that we reached out to them when we did. Not only did we give them a bit of comfort but now all four of us are enjoying the benefits of a new friendship, a friendship that it seems couldn't have come at a better time for any of us. If I have ever doubted whether being open and honest about our struggles with infertility was a good idea or not, this just proves that is.