Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Reaching Out

I want to thank everyone again for the kind and supportive comments I received on my "Pregnancy Guilt" post. It was important for me to get my feelings out and get much needed feedback on whether we were doing the right thing as far as our neighbors are concerned. After getting my thoughts out and hearing your reactions, Chad and I decided we would definitely make an attempt to get together with them and we would share our story at that time.

Just days after that blog post, we ran into them again unexpectedly in the neighborhood and the four of us wound up chatting on the sidewalk for nearly an hour. We learned a lot more about them and their precious daughter in that time and we were able to share more about ourselves as well. D (husband) and J (wife) told us that they had been TTC for almost 3 years and were about to begin testing when J discovered she was pregnant. Her pregnancy was mostly normal and healthy until after an ultrasound in her 3rd trimester they learned that their daughter had a 95% chance of being born with down syndrome and a congenital heart defect. J said she was initially in denial. She had no risk factors, she was young (26 during this pregnancy), she couldn't believe it. But when their angel was born the diagnoses was confirmed.

J and D spent lots of time, money and energy getting their daughter the medical care she needed. She had surgeries on her heart in attempts to save her life but during one of her operations her little body let go. Her parents though, did nothing but smile at the memory of their sweet baby girl as they told us of her short life. She was so sweet they said, smiling often and rarely fussy and her 6 months with them was a blessing.

Of course, Chad and I were fighting back tears as they told us all of this and then we lost that fight a bit when J went on to tell us that after they lost their daughter in February, she became pregnant and miscarried in May, one month after my own miscarriage. Which I shared with her and although I know my loss is different from hers, an understanding of that pain passed between the four of us. And I worked up the courage to tell them about our IVF and FET and current pregnancy. They were very congratulatory and understood both our hope and our fears after suffering a loss. It was an incredible conversation and we really enjoyed talking to them. As we parted ways we all agreed to spend time together again soon and the next day we exchanged phone numbers and email addresses by leaving them on each other's cars.

This past Friday, Chad was very excited about our potential new friends and invited them over for a drink. They happily agreed and we wound up sitting in our living room talking and laughing for over 3 hours. It was great and so easy. Conversation just flowed easily back and forth between light, getting to know you topics and more serious stuff. We talked about our jobs, school, families, relationships, mutual interests and of course our desires to be parents.

All night I kept thinking about what great new friends we were making and how much I hoped for good things for them. Then J announced she had taken an HPT that very morning and gotten a BFP. She is pregnant again! She told us we were the first and only people they had told because after the m/c she dreads another and wants to wait at least a month before telling family. She just needed to tell SOMEONE and
since we are expecting again after m/c and understand the hopes and fears that come with that, she felt comfortable for us to be those someones. Right now, I am very optimistic and cautiously excited for them. I am still so honored that they shared their news with us, and of course I am hoping with all of my heart that this pregnancy brings them the child that they so deserve.

I am also hoping that this friendship can continue to grow. I am so glad that we reached out to them when we did. Not only did we give them a bit of comfort but now all four of us are enjoying the benefits of a new friendship, a friendship that it seems couldn't have come at a better time for any of us. If I have ever doubted whether being open and honest about our struggles with infertility was a good idea or not, this just proves that is.

13 comments:

Tillie said...

OMG that's so fabulous Holly!!! I'm glad y'all were able to be there for them. There were tears in my eyes reading that they are pregnant again!!! That's amazing! I'm sending lots of prayers their way!

Miracle in the Making said...

Oh Holly, crying tears of happiness for your new friends. *hugs* Sometimes I think "if I never had to go down the infertility route, I would have never made such tight bonds with soandso". It's a connection you guys have made and one that you will never lose, and I agree, being open about it is the most amazing part...you end up connecting on a much deeper level to so many people. *hugs* I am so happy for all of you.

Jen said...

What an incredible story! I'm so glad you've been able to share your stories... being open about infertility makes it so much easier for me. And, you connect with people on such a deep level when you understand their pain. I love being able to provide that kind of understanding. Congrats to the neighbors, and fingers crossed for all of you!

Katie said...

Oh my gosh, Holly. I got chills reading this story. YOU WERE MEANT to talk to them. You were meant to share your story. Talk about fate. Congratulations to your new friends, and I will be sure to keep them in my thoughts and prayers over the coming weeks and months. (And you, too, of course.)

Amazing!

Project Baby said...

What a great post. I am wishing and praying for your new friends and you and your husband's new little miracles.

Ashley said...

That is so great! So happy that you guys have been able to connect with this couple. It's perfect timing. :)

T said...

Queue tears...seriously what an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I will be praying for both of you that these babies will both continue to grow strong!

tasivfer said...

WOW! How wonderful! Blogging and forums are so important for reaching out because it's so rare to know someone in real life facing the same issues you are, so how amazing you've found someone who is - and hopefully you can both support each other to you happy conclusions. :-)

Mrs. V said...

What an amazing story! I'm so thrilled for both of you, and will keep you in my prayers. It's sad to see just how commmon pregnancy loss is, but at least we can all support each other! Hugs to you!

heartincharge said...

That is awesome. What perfect timing. I pray for healthy babies for both of you!

* ButterflyChik* said...

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preconceptionist said...

How wonderful! The first people we told were our neighbors, too. My husband let it out of the bag, but it was a relief to tell somebody.

ventingvagina said...

i just wanted to say i was touched by your story. i am so glad you were able to bond and i'm so glad you can both share pregnancy together. such a heart-wrenching story turned heartwarming.