Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Getting Back In the Flow

I need to get back in the flow, in more ways than one. I have been away from my blog and others blogs a lot in the past 2 months, mostly because I have also been out of the TTC game and haven't had too much to say. I really want to get back into the flow of writing and reading and commenting and being a part of the blogosphere that has been so wonderful to me. Also, today is 8 weeks to the day since my D&C and still no AF so that is another flow I really need to get back in to.

My RE said that after the procedure my period should return in about 4 to 6 weeks. Somewhere in the 5th week I started having tiny little hints of symptoms- a uterine twinge here, a tiny spot there- but no AF. I waited patiently and called my RE once the 6 week mark passed without AF. Dr Jedi spoke to me directly and we discussed options, finally agreeing to go through with a 5 day dose of Provera to bring on my period. I felt huge mix of emotions at this decision. I was relieved to be doing something more proactive than just idly waiting, but I also felt fear and anxiety about taking a new drug, as well as sadness that I needed it.

I have never taken Provera until now and I have heard many horror stories about the mood swings and other side effects of this super dose of progesterone, so I was very nervous that my already high level emotions would shoot off the charts. I finished the pills last night and the good news is I haven't had any symptoms or side effects, but the bad news is I haven't had any symptoms or side effects. I feel like AF is no closer than she was a few weeks ago. Hopefully I'm wrong though and she makes her grand and much anticipated entrance this week. It's so ironic to me that every TTCer I know is always praying for AF to stay away and bring a pregnancy but when situations arise that we really need her to come so that we can TTC again, she stays away. I know in reality AF is not a living thing but sometimes I start to believe my period really is a "she", some sort of mischievous faerie or sprite playing tricks on me for her own amusement. I hope she's getting a good laugh because I certainly don't find her jokes funny.

In addition to being nervous about taking a new drug for the first time, the decision to start Provera made me very sad. I started taking it just as I started what would have been my 16th week of pregnancy. Instead of getting ready to find out if my little Sprout was a boy or a girl, I was popping pills to force my period to come back. It just seemed so incredibly cruel and unfair. But I also knew that this would get me one step closer to being back on track with my FET and bring my baby that much closer to me.

Although it is sad that I am no longer pregnant (and haven't been for 2 months) I am so ready to get back in the flow and back to TTC. I am ready for the evil, tricky AF faerie to make her appearance so that I can start my FET. I feel like a car that has stalled. I keep turning the key but all I get are whirring, sputtering sounds. Hopefully, the Provera will get the car started again. The really good news is that once she finally shows it wont be more than a few weeks until my transfer. As much as I dread another 2ww, I can't wait for it either.

17 comments:

Jennie said...

I'm glad to hear you're feeling good and brave. You go girl!

Not There Yet said...

Hang in there Holly!
Starting again - there is hope in that... new things.
And thanks for your support, too!

Tiffany said...

Holly!!! I'm so excited you are back. You've been missed and you've been on my mind and in my heart. I too was always scared about provera because of the horror stories I heard, but I never had any side effects from it and I had to take it for 10 days. Hopefully you'll be spotting in no time! (never thought you'd wish for that huh) Welcome back and all my best wishes to you!

The (Type A) Nightmare said...

I'm so glad you're back. You're one of my favorites in blogworld! And, I looked back to my last experience with Provera. First, I didn't have any side effects either. It wasn't bad. (The Clomid is what made me crazy). I took 5 days of it also, and I started 6 days after my last pill. I remember thinking that it felt like forever, but it will get here. Wishing you all the luck in the world. I'm in your corner and jumping up and down and cheering you on in a big way!!!

BabyWid said...

Welcome back!!

I wish you all the luck getting flow back and with your upcoming cycle. Stay strong- thoughts and prayers coming your way!

Mrs. Type A said...

I seldom have a period that's not Provera induced and I haven't noticed any mood swings from it - could be because i am already crazy from all of this getting pregnant and un-pregnant stuff!! Good luck!

Gia said...

Welcome back, Holly. The blogworld has missed you!

Mrs. Tass said...

I sure hope everything works out for you and your hubby! Keep your head held high :o)

Patricia said...

Waiting for AF to arrive is so cruel. I hope she arrives soon. I'm in the same boat trying to get my body back to normal after the recent loss. I just wish things were easier.

Take care.

Ashley said...

I am so glad that you are back! I have missed reading your posts! My fingers are crossed that AF shows up soon so you can get closer to your baby. :)

Katie said...

Hang in there, Holly. I hope the evil fairy shows soon and you can get back at this. Oh, and don't disappear from blogging for so long again. I've missed you!

Jennifer said...

Glad to see you back! Sounds like you are ready to get this cycle done...I'm hoping for a GREAT cycle for you! :)

WannabeMom said...

It's such a weird time hoping AF comes so you can start trying again. I'm glad you haven't had any bad side effects from Provera. I hope that AF comes soon though!

lowfatlady said...

I really hope the provera does the trick. I usually have to wait 5-10 days till she shows up after I take ten pills. You are supposed to wait up to two weeks. Glad that your slowly coming back into the blogesphere.

Roxanne said...

Glad that you are back! We've missed you!! :) Sending many prayers your way!! So not fair that we are always waiting on AF!! Keep your head up and that smile on your face :)

Family Plots said...

Excited and hopeful for this transition to go smoothly and gracefully. <3

Waiting Lisa said...

I was so happy when I saw a comment from you on my blog. It warmed my heart!!

I love that you used a pic of yourself next to s stream for this post.

Love you!! xoxo