Thursday, June 30, 2011

Infertiles Are Fathers Too

Good grief I have let my blogging slack! Two weeks? Too long! Well even though it was two weeks ago now, I still want to take the time to share some thoughts on Chad's very first Father's Day.

I have long believed that my husband is the greatest guy there ever was. He is incredibly smart, talented, funny and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. And as much as I knew I loved him, I had no clue how much the years we spent journeying together to become parents would expand that love.

If you've read up on my blog, you may have noticed that our struggles with infertility all stemmed from my body. When we were in the testing stages of our journey, we learned that not only was my plumbing seriously clogged up, but that his was in beyond perfect condition. I felt so guilty. He wanted so baldy to be a daddy and I knew he would be an amazing one, the only thing keeping him from it was me. I cried and hurt over that but he never for a second saw it the same way. We were an us and it was our infertility not mine. He went through every step of the journey with me and shared the heartache of every pregnancy announcement and the hope of every monitoring appointment. He learned just as much about cycles, sperm counts, follicles, injections and uterine linings as I did. And he can discuss all of it with batting an eyelash and is quick to do so any time he hears anyone in need of an education on such matters. He cried with me and held my hand through it all. He kissed me on the cheek before every single injection during IVF and FET and never stopped thanking me for being the one to go through all of it so that we could both be parents. He bought the first and only gifts for Sprout and made the most amazing tribute video when we lost that pregnancy. He began planning and preparing years before his little girl was born and in so many ways, he was a daddy long before she was even conceived.

Once she was conceived and I was officially pregnant, he continued to be an amazing dad. He dubbed our miracle FET baby "Snow Pea", and came to every single doctor's appointment. He rubbed my feet and pressed his head to my tummy to hear her heartbeat. He read her stories and got up a million times a day to get me water or bring me a blanket. He asked how I was doing every afternoon and then asked how she was too. He held my hand and encouraged me throughout labor and hugged me and told me he was proud of me when I had to have a c-section. He cried as she came into the world and held her tight as he brought her to me for the first time. He stayed with her in the nursery and took care of her by himself the first 24 hours in the hospital while I was still bed-ridden.

When we came home from the hospital and I was struck by the baby blues, he held me and let me cry on his shoulder. He took on extra responsibilities with the baby and worked from home a little longer. And now that we have been parents for over 2 months and are beginning to find our routine, he still gets up with her in the middle of the night and changes almost every diaper he's home for. Every weekend he makes a bottle and kicks me out of the house for a few hours so I can have me time and he can have daddy-daughter time.

On Father's Day I was overjoyed to put Eliana in the bib I had bought for him years ago, before we even knew that becoming parents would be such a challenge. Many people buy lots of things for their babies before they're conceived and have hope chests full of cute outfits and adorable toys, but I have only ever had that bib, that hope that one day I would be able to see my amazing husband become our child's amazing father. I am so grateful that day has finally come. But even if it hadn't come yet I would still want to celebrate him and his devotion to fatherhood, just as I want to celebrate all of the amazing would be dads in the world. The men that struggle with their own infertility, the men that support their partners through treatments, tears, home studies, and heartaches and go through it all themselves too. It seems that the world not only forgets about dads when it comes to parenting, but they also leave out the men who long to be fathers. To me these men deserve celebration on Father's Day too, because even before their children come into their lives physically, they love them and dream of them and do everything they can for them. Just like any good dad.


Becca M said...

This made me all teary eyed, in a good way <3

Cherish This Life! said...

What a great post, it brought tears to my eyes - love it!

Jody said...

Such a great post!

Holly said...

I love that you love my brother like that! You are an amazing Sister-in-LOVE! You two are great together.... and I applaud that.