Thursday, May 13, 2010

A Bittersweet Mother's Day

It's official, I have crossed over from distracted blogger to complete slacker. In my defense though it really has been an incredibly busy couple of weeks for me since the D&C. I will spare you the boring details about work and errands and just tell you all about my impulsive, amazing and bittersweet Mother's Day.

Before learning whether or not I was even pregnant, Chad and I had discussed going home to Florida to visit friends and family this May. We were waiting to buy plane tickets until we knew our fate and knew whether travel would be a good and/or feasible idea. When the pregnancy test came back positive we began planning a trip for Mother's Day to last through the following week so that we would have plenty of time to spend with the people that mattered most. And since I'd be about 11 weeks along by then we thought it might be a good time to share the news. We were thrilled at the idea of celebrating with my mom and grandmother as well as our closest friends.

Then the ultrasound that changed everything came and we immediately knew we were too emotional, too sad and too drained to spend a week visiting with everyone. The trip was beyond overwhelming, so we canceled and planned to see everyone in August when we would be in town for a friend's wedding.

It has been difficult these past few weeks not to be able to really cry with the people I cared about, especially my mom. I know it has been killing her to have her baby girl going through so much pain and to be thousands of miles away. So when I got an email last week offering a great deal on flights out of LA to Orlando for Mother's Day weekend I jumped at the deal. And I didn't tell anyone I was coming!

It was so wonderful to see my mom and my some of my closest friends but it was even better to see the looks of shock on their faces when I knocked on their doors. I even got to surprise my grandparents which meant the world to me, because they won't be in Florida when I come back this August. And even though the weekend was still very emotional and oftentimes painful for me, it was beyond amazing to get a real life hug from my mom when I was crying. I try to be so strong and positive all the time but sometimes I really just want my mommy, and it was great to have that at a time when I really needed it.


Secretly flying in to see my mom, grandparents and best friends this weekend was a great way to surprise them for Mother's Day but Chad came up with a beautiful surprise for me as well. While I was sitting at the table catching up with my best friend Saturday night (technically Sunday morning) he called and asked me to check my Facebook messages. Everyone in the TTC community knows how scary FB can be, especially during a holiday specifically set aside to celebrate something we all want but don't yet have, so I admit I was a bit nervous, but he insisted so I did. And what I found when I did was moving in so many ways. I cried, I laughed and then I cried some more. And I thanked my wonderful husband for all the time and thought he put into expressing how he felt to me on a day that was very difficult for us both. I can't adequately describe it so I have posted his creation here for you to see. Just a warning, you may need a tissue or two.

video

I can't say this was the Mother's Day I had dreamed of but it was certainly better than hiding under my covers and sobbing all day as I had originally planned. And although there still was some sobbing involved, I am happy that I went and even happier that some of those tears weren't painful ones. And of course I am beyond happy to be married to the most amazing and wonderful man I have ever known. I am still in pain but this past weekend I realized more than ever how truly blessed I am by the incredible people in my life and I am so glad that my future children will be lucky enough to have such caring people in their lives too.

24 comments:

Chad said...
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Simply Mel said...

How sweet! I'm so glad you had a better Mother's Day that you thought you would. I miscarried two weeks ago and it was very hard. I thought.."FINALLY" and then was devastated when I lost the baby. Huge emotional roller coaster. My heart breaks with you and I pray next Mother's Day is exactly what you are hoping for!sis

BabyWid said...

What an amazing gift! Your story is not over, it's just beginning! Have faith and hope!! :)

Jenn said...

You do have an amazing husband. I'm happy that the two of you are able to stay strong in this horrable time. He seems like an amazing guy!

Miracle in the Making said...

Wow. I totally bawled my eyes out to that video. *hugs* You both are so amazing.

Waiting Lisa said...

I watched the video first and of course cried through it...then continued to cry through reading the post.

You guys are awesome. Chad did an amazing job on the video. I am so glad you were able to go home.

Always thinking of you and sending thoughts of love.

*hugs*

Ana said...

What an amazing husband. His video brought tears to my eyes. You and your hubby are in my thoughts

Candidly_Andrea said...

Wow - that had me bawling my eyes out for sure! You have a wonderful husband Holly. You continue to be in my thoughts :)

So-Called (TTC) Life said...

Holly, You have an amazing husband. I had to hold in the tears b/c I'm at work watching this!

I pray for your family for the next steps you may take.

Basic Girl said...

Your hubby is a keeper for sure ;)! So glad you have such an amazing supportive partner!! Thinking of you.

Trying Tiff said...

I cried :( I am very sentimental right now.... that didnt help either... I am soo glad he did that for you :)

Baby bump bound said...

That was such a lovely video! Sweetness in the eye of the storm.

K said...

Wow Holly! This was such a wonderful video that your hubby made!! And you were right, I did need the tissue. Its so wonderful that you have such a pillar to lean on as your husband. You two are really blessed to have each other. :) -k

T said...

What a beautiful video! I have chills stting here trying to decide what to write to you. I am so glad that you have such a thoughtful man to go through this journey with. You both are amazing and will someday make a child incredibly happy and blessed.

Jen @ After The Alter said...

I think it's great that you got to go see your mom for mothers day. I think it's what the doctor ordered..after my m/c I went on a family vacation to the beach and it was so needed to just relax and have them be with me. I'm glad you got that too.

Busted Kate said...

I'm so glad you were able to take that trip and surprise your family. And that video was amazing.

I think of you all the time, and am sending you hugs and prayers. Much much love, darlin'.

WannabeMom said...

Wow! What a great husband for making that for you. I definitely cried and had goosebumps watching it. ((hugs))

Braving IVF said...

Finally got to reading your blog on a computer so I could watch the video. Wow, your husband did a beautiful job, and there's so much love that shows in that video. *big hugs*

Holly said...

I agree, your hubby is the best. The only problem I had was that the tears were so heavy, I had to watch it twice to read it all. I couldn't read it through all the tears. We need to catch up soon.

Pink Lady said...

wow! first time at your blog and that was sooooooooo beautiful. i know you are feeling blue now, but be encouraged ;-) you have so much love around you

Kaitlin said...

Holly, that video was amazing. How sweet and thoughtful of your Husband. Your story is no where near over. You will both be parents. *hugs*

Tillie said...

Wow Holly. I loved the line about not giving up...I think you have an amazing husband and thank you so much for sharing this beautiful video with us! I'm glad you got to spend time with your family!! *hugs*

Melissa McMommy said...

That was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us. I just stumbled across your blog today, and I am really touched by how honest you are. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Amber said...

Hi Holly. New reader here. I'm so sorry for your loss. The video your husband made was just incredible and I DID need tissues!! I have never had to suffer miscarriage, but like you, I've been trying way too long to become a Mommy. You're not alone. Sending a big hug your way.